Helping people is something wonderful, but only if they want it.
I am sure everyone here has this one friend or colleague who’s not doing well. We’re talking mentally. Partly he or she talks about it, partly you just notice it. As an empathetic creature, we feel urged to show these people certain ways to change their current state of mind. We want to support this person and offer him or her solutions. Surely our input will help them in their healing process.
Observation: I have seen this behavior, especially in men. We often approach problems and situations very practically. If condition A is like this, I have to do B to reach C. Guys, you know what I mean.
So I give this person some advice and help them out. They can solve their problems and we have done a good deed. Actually a clear win-win situation, isn’t it?
Underrated complexity
Unfortunately, oftentimes we only see the tip of the iceberg. In most cases, real problems or difficulties in other people’s lives are a complex set of experiences and personal behaviors. But we don’t know all of that during our healing attempts. You may feel like you fully understand this person, since you have known them for many years and spent a lot of time with them. This truly can simplify a situation. But even then, we should be careful with our advice or instructions. How do we classify this problem? Perhaps we are closely connected with this person. Can we still be objective?
Don’t ask permission, just ask forgiveness is not the right approach
Instead of turning our energy into unsolicited and unprofessional help, we should try to read between the lines. How does that person talk to us? Are they actively seeking our attention? Do they speak very openly about critical issues, or do we define their unhappiness merely by our ability to “seeing how people feel.” Saying how we would solve this problem is not a sensible approach. Especially for someone who doesn’t want help. We cannot force people to take our advice. I speak from my own experience. People quickly retreat and no longer share their experiences.
How Can We Define the Term Mindset?
“You need a good mindset. Your mindset is everything. Mindset accounts for at least 75% of your success.” But what does that actually mean?
Overcoming costs energy
For many people it is difficult to talk freely about personal problems. There are countless reasons for this. Shame and insecurity are just two of them. Some people have never learned to talk about sensitive issues. We should take that into account. If a person decides to do so, it costs them strength and overcoming. Therefore, we should not immediately hit them with solutions.
What you can do instead
Just be there. The way you’re needed. You will notice it. Humans signal you when they need closeness or attention. Radiate peace and serenity. That can already work wonders. A relaxed energy works miracles on people who are fighting an inner battle. Listen carefully. When people address certain issues, you can ask cautious and thoughtful questions. Pay attention to the answers and whether the person wants to talk more about their uncertainties. For example, besides all the experts and coaches, I can remind you what a good psychologist does in the first instance. Listening. Practice it, let other people speak. Take yourself back.
Listen carefully.
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